Space For You

Thank you for asking me about myself and about the challenges I face as someone who struggles with clutter and chronic disorganization.  First of all, there are reasons why I have these issues.  I may have learned these behaviours from a parent or maybe my parent was a neat freak and I just decided to do things differently than they did.  Or, perhaps, I grew up in a home where there were a lot of children and we didn’t have a lot of money and I always felt like I didn’t have what I needed.  There are reasons why I am challenged with my stuff.

I may have had a lot of trauma and losses in my life and get a lot of comfort being around all of my belongings and treasures.  They may remind me of happier times in my life.  If I have had some losses around relationships my stuff actually helps me to feel safe.  It means that others will not come in and cannot hurt me.  

There is a good chance that I experience mental health challenges and may suffer from Depression, Anxiety, ADHD and/or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I may cancel appointments depending on how I am feeling that day. I really need to feel I am in a good space to tackle any task. This work can bring up a lot of anxiety which is very scary for me.

 If we are able to work together, please know that I may only be able to work for a short time.  I will probably hit a wall at some point and we will need to stop until next time. Trust is a huge issue for me. In the past people have tried to help me by throwing out my stuff when I was away from my home for the day or longer.  It felt like such a betrayal like a big part of myself was gone. It’s not helpful at all and I will likely just acquire even more stuff than I had before.

I need to be included in the plan for decluttering my space. Sometimes I will need you to explain to me in more detail as to what you think will help me. I might need to take some time to think about what I want to keep or to give away or let go of.  Gentle guidance and questions are helpful to me. I want to feel like I have a say in what stays and what goes. I know what is important for me and I need to be a part of the decision making process or I will not learn anything at all. I need to take and have control over my stuff!

I know that I do have talents and strengths, but I usually forget or minimize them. It would be great if you could help me remember that those strengths will help support me in our process together.

If I know that you understand, it will help me to feel more comfortable with this process. Please think of me as a sister, a mother, a daughter, and know that if you can be non judgemental, patient, nurturing, flexible, accessible, respectful, and compassionate you will be able to help me to make more space in my life and to make progress in my home. 

Thanks again for asking for my input and helping me. 

These are my words but I would love to know what you think or what you might add to this letter. Please comment on my blog or in a private message if you prefer to kimtremblay@sympatico.ca

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Happy Decluttering my friends!

Don’t let the title scare you?  It doesn’t mean that you are planning your death anytime soon.  It means that when you are well and you have a more time to focus on your home and belongings, this is the time to really assess every area of your home. Celebrate your life and then make decisions about what you absolutely need  and want to keep. What do you want to leave behind for others to sort through and to make decisions on?

Most of you probably know that my dad passed away this year and my mom just recently went into a Care Home and we (I have three siblings) have been clearing out their home in order to sell it. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy process because my mom had not been bringing anything out of her room for donation in forever and I knew some of what she had been keeping. Also, I knew that not a lot of things had been taken out of my parents home at all for many years. It has been quite emotional for me as I slowly go through all of my moms items and try to understand why she felt it was so important to keep certain things. I am sure she was not thinking about us having to clear it all out.

This process has really helped me to think about my own belongings and what I want to leave behind. I recently pulled out some boxes that have not been looked at in a very long time and found some items that I didn’t even know I had.  I also came across some things that were all about my daughter who passed away at age 17 due to some physical health issues that she had.  My partner found me in a puddle on the floor when she came home from work one day but I told her it was all good.  It’s just something that only you can go through yourself.  And sometimes it’s just necessary.  And it’s totally okay to be sad and to cry.

A collection of cats I found that had belonged to my daughter (above) Yes I was able to donate this collection. Please do not judge me! My memories of my daughter do not reside in this collection and I do not have the space or interest in displaying them. I am happy that someone else will now enjoy them.

Certain things are harder than others. ie: Journals, all greeting cards and old letters received from friends and loved ones, autograph books, gifts or heirlooms from loved ones who have passed and don’t get me started on photographs.  I am sure you can come up with so much more……..

You will want to allow yourself time to work through these things because It will bring up all the feels. This work is very emotional.  You likely wouldn’t have saved all of these things if you didn’t have a history and a story or feel some kind of attachment to them.  These items bring up all kinds of memories for us that can be revisited and cherished. And then decisions need to be made.

A precious gift I received from my mom for my 50th birthday was a photo book she put together for me which included little sayings and quotes.  She also gave me a box with letters and cards, report cards, some badges, etc.  This was such a thoughtful and most appreciated gift.  Why do we want to keep all these things buried or forgotten in a cupboard or closet? This is the thing you want share with others when you are alive.  This is the time to look at some of those things that might be hard.  Celebrate those moments.  

A popular book if you are interested in learning more about Swedish Death Cleaning is “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” by Margareta Magnusson https://www.amazon.com/Gentle-Art-Swedish-Death-Cleaning/dp/1501173243

Would you like to work with me? I can help you to make more space in your life for what is important to you. I can work with you virtually so you are able to do the work yourself but with guidance from me. Book a free 20 minute call with me today to see if we are a good fit. https://SpaceForYou.as.me/

What are the things that are hardest for you to let go of? Would love to hear from you. Please comment below.

The beginning of September is a great time for new routines and to look at what routines have been established over the year.  It’s also a good time to look at the goals you set at the beginning of the year and re-assess if needed. Goals usually do change. Some get done and new ones can also become important.  They are meant to be looked at and re-evaluated on an ongoing basis. Would you like some help with productivity? Check out the tips below……..

Some fall updates that have changed my routines and goals.  

• I have been focussed on healthier living goals which has meant daily yoga and walking and preparing and cooking healthier meals and snacks.  It’s always a work in progress and of course I have had some slips but I always find that I can get back on track quickly.  This goal for me has been so helpful as I feel better, have more energy and also feel more confident about how I look.  I have been able to wear some clothes that were hidden in my drawers and closet.  That feels pretty amazing!! 

• My 91 year old mom went into a Care Home on September 1 and has her own Studio Apt.  This is a big transition for my mom. She seems to be adjusting quite well.  I now have to travel farther to see her so I tend to listen to something inspiring on the way.  I have also had to find a few new stores to visit on my way there or on my way home to save on time.  We will soon be cleaning out my moms house so I am sure I will share more about that when the time comes.  Stay tuned! 

• We have a 14 year old grandson staying with us right now so that he can attend the local high school.  It is really a pleasure to have him but yes it has changed our routines somewhat.  Getting up earlier to make sure he gets ready and to school on time.  He starts at 7:55 a.m.  Whaat??  Anyway, it has just helped me to get to bed earlier and I love the early start in the morning.

A few tips on Productivity:

Staying organized is the key to less stress.  Planning for meals and snacks, keeping up with the chores, some decluttering and trying to get good sleep all help with feeling like I am being productive with my days.  Being productive makes me feel so good!  

Seasons of Love, Loss and Personal Power. This is the title of a chapter that is to be published in a book!  I know right!  I didn’t have a deadline but I knew it would come up eventually.  It is 3000 words.  What I did was I planned for 30 minutes of writing per week.  Yes, thats all.  I mean some weeks I would do more and some less.  I used the Pomodoro technique.  You can read more about it here if you like. https://spaceforyou.ca/2015/04/13/a-time-management-tool-to-help-with-focus/ This was such a great little hack for me.  I now know that if I put my mind to something, I can finish it.   I will share more about my chapter with you coming up soon.

Think about the best time of day for you. When do you feel most productive? Early morning or late evening? This is the time to focus on those tasks that you are wanting to tackle. They are usually not as challenging as you think. We can spend a lot of time thinking about doing something and keeping it on our “to do” list forever. I once had a task on my list that I kept moving to the next week and then the next week. When I finally decided to do it, it took me 20 minutes.

Are you noticing new routines during this season? What are you noticing? How are you doing with your goals? being productive? Would love to hear from you.

Do you need more support? You could work with me? Sign up here https://SpaceForYou.as.me/ for a free 20 minute consultation to see if we are a good fit. I can work virtually with you. You get to do the work yourself with guidance from me.

Have you heard of the 80/20 rule?  This rule can apply to many different things but for this we are focusing on clothing.  Did you know that we generally wear 20% of our clothing 80% of the time? I started using the “Hanger Method” before winter of last year and it has been a game changer for me. This has been all about tops and bottoms for me and definitely I am wearing a small amount of clothes that I love, most of the time.  

Hanger Method:  

– you have all of your hangers facing the same direction

– as you wear each of your clothing items turn the hanger the opposite way 

– if you don’t love the item or it doesn’t fit, its stained or worn out, put it right into the donation bag that is in your closet. 

– if it needs to be ironed or gets wrinkled as soon as you breathe out it goes. I love clothes I can roll up in a ball if needed (like in a suitcase) that do not get wrinkled.  The simpler the better for me.

–at the end of the season, you will notice all of the clothes that you didn’t wear and then you can make a decision about whether to keep them or not

Here is a pic of my current closet. These were the favourites over the winter. 

I know I could get more matching hangers.  I really love the dollar store velvet hangers.  They are great for making sure your clothes don’t fall on the floor or into your laundry basket.  Just don’t twist around the hook at the top as they will fall off eventually.  

Remember though once you have things in the donation bag or box:

Some great tips for Decluttering your Clothes:

1. Try on each piece of clothing.  How does it make you feel?  Does it make you feel like a queen?  In charge of your life? If not, get rid of it.
2. Clothing that no longer fits.  Too big or too small.  Even if your body changes and it will, you may need something different or that fits better.  See #1
3. Clothing that needs to be mended.  Are you going to get around to doing that alteration or has it been sitting in a pile for way too long?  I got rid of a pile of clothes that needed to be mended because I just didn’t feel like spending the time doing it.
4. Clothing from this past season that you didn’t wear?  Why didn’t you wear it?  Try the “hanger method”. There might be a lot of clothing that you never wear.  Why are you keeping it?  If you don’t love it and you didn’t wear it, likely you won’t wear it next season either.
5. Throw out anything that is looking old, with stains or broken zippers, etc. At the end of the season throw out old worn out boots or footwear.  You are going to need new ones for next year anyway. Easy peasy, right?
6. Sentimental items.  It can be hard to let go of a piece of clothing, boots, shoes or a purse that you have really loved.  But, if the item is old, worn out, doesn’t fit, etc. maybe it has served its purpose….thank the item and let it go.  Take a picture if you are worried you will forget about the item.
7. Going through your clothing will help you to see what you have, what you might need and also will give you so many more options for getting dressed in the morning. It can really make getting dressed a breeze.
8. Have an “exit strategy” A bag or a box ready for donations in your closet or near your doorway and get them out of your house asap.  

Would you like to work with me? I am currently taking new Virtual Organizing Clients. You get to do the work yourself but with guidance from me. Sign up here for a free 20 minute exploratory call to see if we are a good fit https://spaceforyou.as.me/

Do you ever hear yourself saying “change is so hard” or “I really don’t like change”?  I have heard this a lot from friends and clients.  I have always said “I love change” but really, what I mean is that as long as its a positive change then I am all for it.  

But, what if it isn’t a great change?  This past year and a half is testimony to that.  There are things that happen that we have no control over and we cannot change or fix.  That is hard!  

But……Does it always have to be?

Personally, I have been going through some changes and losses over the past year within my family.  Helping to take care of my dad who has had medical issues for many years and just passed February 1 at the age of 91.  Now taking care of my 91 year old mom who continues to be in her home on her own and is having some challenges of her own.  

The family dynamics have changed as well and this is a situation that I cannot fix.  So, I choose to be mindful and kind always.  I know we will get through this and I just want to handle each moment with courage, grace and wisdom.  Being mindful in this situation  to me means being aware of the emotions that come up, reaching out to others for support, reading as much as I can to learn about aging and taking care and being kind to myself.  

What about change that comes from decluttering? 

Reaching out for help can mean that you are ready to make some changes.  And that can be scary or stressful because then “you have to do the work”  I get it!

What if……….you had everything decluttered the way you want it and you were able to maintain your space…………What would this mean for you?  How would you feel? 

“To change skins, evolve into new cycles, I feel one has to learn to discard. If one changes internally, one should not continue to live with the same objects. They reflect one’s mind and the psyche of yesterday. I throw away what has no dynamic, living use.”  Anais Nin  

It is so important to check in with yourself and know who you are today.    Living intentionally means that it is not about the past or about the future. Think about what is most important for you today. What do you need to let go of to allow more of yourself to shine through? 

This quote came to mind after a group member talked about the risks of making a change.

Making changes can be stressful.  Practicing self acceptance and compassion can help you to appreciate yourself wherever you are in this process.  Reward yourself for the effort you are making.  You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to make positive changes in your life. 

Did you know that Coffee Chats are happening on Zoom once a month with members from the Declutter Your Life and Mind Facebook Group? They are so fun and inspirational. Join us for some lively discussion about all things organizing. You will need to join our group as our chats are confidential of course.https://www.facebook.com/groups/DeclutterYourLifeandMind

I am currently taking new clients for Virtual Organizing Sessions. Usually one hour long, costs less than in person contact and you get to do the work but with guidance and inspiration from me. Would you like to chat with me to see how we could work together? Sign up here for a 20 minute exploration call https://SpaceForYou.as.me/

Do you have anxiety knowing you need to get out to get groceries?  What about the big question of what’s for dinner?  What if you haven’t been cooking in your home much before the Covid19 Pandemic started?  A lot of us do not even like cooking and what about the chores surrounding the cooking? Eek!!  First, there is the planning about what to cook, then the shopping, then putting away the food (which I know is challenging for some). Then making sure there is a space to cook (my pet peeve), cooking the food (even though you don’t  really feel like it), eating it which usually takes about 10 – 15 minutes, then cleaning up. UGH!! Its just never ending.  And then what is the plan for the next meal???

What would make it all easier and what has changed for you during this time?  Okay, I am going to be honest here.  Personally, I do not love cooking all the time but I do love to eat and want to be as healthy as possible so I have taken on this task. It’s fun to try new things and I am pretty adventurous in the kitchen.  Thankfully, I have a partner who will clean up and do dishes.  I am so blessed with that.  If I am ready to cook up a meal, I really love to have clean counters and not a lot of dishes.  We do have ‘small kitchen syndrome” so it’s important to keep it as clean and clear as possible. My partner also likes to treat us with take out every once in awhile just to give me a break in the kitchen.

What have I learned over this time of Covid19?

I plan the meals so I am the one who gets groceries and I have been working on a plan to go once a week and sometimes I can even stretch it out a bit longer. It can be challenging especially when it comes to having fresh fruits and vegetables. I solved that problem by hooking up with a weekly or bi-weekly Food Basket which has been a great way to support local farms and I get some nice fresh fruit and veg. Win/Win!

How are you doing with planning out your food for the week?  If you are home full time, do you plan for leftovers?  I love leftovers because it makes for an easy meal for the next day and I am not spending as much time in the kitchen. It’s great to get a break and an opportunity to catch up on other things.

My sister has been trying to get me to purchase one of those meal plans like Chef’s Plate. The ads keeps popping up on Facebook and they do look interesting but I haven’t tried it yet.  So, the food comes with cold packs, all prepped with the recipes and you just cook it up and voila……dinner on the table.  There is a cost but if you are not eating out as much or you just want to save yourself some time and the bonus of convenience, they sound like a fun way to try something new.  You might also learn some new recipes. I am planning to try them soon.

Some ideas to help during the pandemic

• Use up the fresh fruit and veg first. Buy fruit and veg with a longer shelf life like apples, oranges, potatoes. If they have seen better days you can freeze them for smoothies or muffins.  Have frozen fruit and veg in your freezer for when you run out of fresh.  Depending on the size of your freezer, stock up on fries, frozen fish, chicken or other favourites that are easy to go from freezer to stove and to the table.
• Keep your pantry stocked with canned meat like tuna and salmon, canned beans are great (one of my favourites is bean quesadilla’s yummy), lots of tomato sauces to make up a quick spaghetti dish, some soups to go with grilled cheese – think about what you love that is easiest to make and with less cleanup too.
• Make sure you have an ongoing shopping list so that you do not find yourself aimlessly walking around the grocery store. I do an inventory of what is in the freezer and the cupboards before I head out to the store. It’s a good idea to bring food from the back to the front in order to avoid expiry dates or freezer burn. Yuk!!
• Instant Pots have become really popular and are great for when it is really too hot to cook. You can get a small size one too which is great for one or two people. The biggest chore with an instant pot is getting everything prepped beforehand but once thats done it all goes in the pot and before you know it dinner is ready. It also doubles as an crockpot. Seriously, just donate the old one.

This is a really great time to look at how you have been doing things and perhaps trying some new things. Moving forward we would hope that we can save time and money, live more simply and be healthier than ever.

Would love to hear your tips and how you are managing with all things shopping, cooking, cleaning up and your favourite and easiest things to cook up?

If you would like to get started on decluttering your life please join my FREE 5 Day Declutter Your Life and Mind Challenge (link is on this page) to get started and stay tuned for a Free Webinar coming up soon on getting motivated called Get Motivated to Declutter