Not to be confused with “The Great Wealth Transfer” which is a totally different topic.
I have been wanting to write this email/post in response to this article that was written on December 15, 2024
It is titled “Millennials are set to inherit tons of their parents’ stuff – whether they want it or not.”
I will wait while you go to check it out…….but please come back!
From the article: “Older generations spent their lives accumulating furnishings, china and tiny sombreros they bought on vacation in Mexico. Now, a lot of that stuff is being handed down to the next gen, whether they want it or not.”
Sometimes this comes with the expectation that we want to inherit all of these things that were loved by our parent or grandparent. They believe that their children will want them too.
But do we really?
I believe that younger folks mostly want to start anew. They have their own ideas of what they want for their new space. Often, their spaces are small too and the furnishings collected by our loved ones can be quite big and bulky.
So what to do? Having the conversation with your parent is the first step. I know its not easy! Our parent might be counting on us to carry on some tradition or to even pass on the belongings to the next generation. We usually want to please our parents and honour their wishes which makes this challenging as well.
I used to take my mom shopping on Saturday’s. This was always such a fun day, shopping and then out for lunch. My mom would often want to give me things when I took her back to her home. I have to admit I tried to tell her I didn’t need anything but she was persistent. I did keep a few things but often dropped things off at the donation centre. So, yes, I am guilty of not wanting to hurt my moms feelings and avoiding any confrontation.
I also inherited my grandma’s china cabinet and a tea set many years ago. It never really fit in well with my decor or my small house. I still have the china cabinet and am considering letting it go this year. Some of you might remember the story of the tea set that belonged to my grandma. I used it one last time with my mom and after that I took a deep breath and was able to donate it.
What some of my peeps had to say……
Some people who feel attached and obligated to take as much as possible from their deceased parents home. Giving away or donating possessions that were once owned and loved by our family members can be very difficult. It feels like keeping the items means that our loved ones are close by. Letting go of their possessions can feel like losing a part of them and realizing that they are really gone.
If you and your loved ones are tasked with cleaning out a house that has been lived in for 50 years more or less, it can be a huge job. You could be the one who is left having to make difficult decisions in the moment which can be really tough. Not knowing what your loved ones wishes were can make it challenging.
As a Professional Organizer our role can be to help people to figure out what to do with all of this stuff whether its the parent/elder or the adult child of the parent. If this is you, it might be a good time to have that conversation with your child or family member. Find out what their wishes are. Maybe together you could sell a few things and make a little money. Also, consider doing a little Swedish Death Cleaning.
I have worked with clients who had unopened boxes of their parents treasured items taking up space in their homes. It can be challenging to even start to open up those boxes because of the grief, sadness and other difficult emotions that will come up. People know when they are ready and there is never a specific time line.
Another challenging scenario is when an adult child takes over their parents home, moves in their own possessions and then has the task of making decisions about everything in the home.
What do you think?
Please chime in on this conversation below………
Happy Decluttering!
I can relate to this post. I worked with many clients who had this issue of keeping things just because their parents didn’t want them to get rid of them. Or, an older parent wants to keep something because they ‘think’ their child wants it.
Let me say that if I get rid of anything, my kids go crazy. The Gen Z kids are all about repurposing and reusing clothing, furniture, etc… from their parents. Gen Z does not have the money to spend on new things, so they are always looking for deals, buying older and well-built items, etc…
Hi Sabrina, That is great that your kids want to keep some of the items you have. Repurposing can be a creative and interesting way to go. But of course we know its not always like that. This issue can be so complex in families. thank you for commenting
This is such an important topic. I’ve gone through this personally and helped many clients professionally. It’s not easy. However, having to deposseess our stuff is inevitable. If we don’t decide about our stuff, someone else will have to.
Having the conversations is a first step. And while that might be difficult, it’s so worth it. For example, I was the family member who cleared out 60 years of stuff from my parents’ home. Since my mom and I had conversations in advance, I had guidelines for knowing where she wanted her things to go- family, charities, etc. So, that helped guide many of the decisions I made.
Since I had also gone through this with clients, it helped me set boundaries around how many (or few) things I wanted to bring into our home. While I kept some things that belonged to my parents, relatively speaking, it was minimal. I couldn’t absorb their lifetime of stuff, nor did I want to.
Hi Linda, I love that you say “if we don’t decide about our stuff, someone else will have to” I think it can be a real wake up call when we are tasked with cleaning out our parents homes. If we have had those conversations with them, it would help so much when it comes to decisions. It can be so hard to donate possessions that feel so valuable. Thank you for your comment
I can definitely fully relate to this. I had to personally go through this with my grandmas treasures and so I can understand and sympathize with how hard this can be. I am a very huge fan of Swedish death cleaning!
Hi Florena, Yes, me too! I think Swedish Death Cleaning is such a good idea and will help those who do end up going through our stuff someday. Thanks for your comment
This is definitely a stumbling block for my clients. Trying to get certain generations (I’d say Greatest Generation and Silent Generation) to accept that we don’t want ALL THE THINGS is hard. I find my Boomer and X clients are much more at ease with their possessions not staying “in the family” after they are gone.
My mom is not a collector; anything she’s ever acquired has been to satisfy her own tastes and doesn’t care if my sister or I don’t want it. And anything else in our family home, she’s glad for it to be gone if it’s not being used. But it has taken some time for her to believe, and be comfortable, with the idea that most things she’s over (like the stuff that my father brought into the house) is not “worth” anything on the open market because people would rather buy new, if they want something to serve that function at all.
The only place with excess is the basement, and I emptied a significant (but still, relatively small) portion when I went home this summer, and everything either went into the trash/recycling or to charity. (Meanwhile, I’d love the china and the crystal and the silver, the furniture and a lot of the decor, but I live in an apartment and don’t have the lifestyle to use it, so a multi-thousand-square-foot house worth of stuff just isn’t going to make it across the miles and into my little salt box of space.
So, this involves a reality check (and some emotional healing) for all generations.
Thanks Julie, I love your thoughts here. Definitely some hard conversations for many people. You are so right that this can be such a reality check and emotional healing.